5¼ Pies

Reviewed by Yankee

Plot Summary

Five friends go camping in the deep woods close to an abandoned Camp Crystal Lake. That night, their camping trip is ruined by one Jason Voorhees of whom they had heard legends about. Six weeks later, a young drifter is searching for his missing sister who was on that camping trip. Retracing some of her steps gains him the attention of Jason and the massacre begins.

Review

I believe that one of the great downfalls of remaking and/or rebooting a franchise as big as Friday the 13th is that you’re damned if do and damned if you don’t. If you were to keep everything true to the original and/or include some scene for scene shots then you’ve basically killed the reason for a remake. If you were to branch out into something different and essentially break new ground, then you are desecrating the memory of the original.

If you’re the poor sucker given the task of redoing a cult classic that has never lost its following, well, you really can do no right. Many years ago, good remakes were achieved easily enough. This is because most of those remakes offered something new that the original could not deliver. It was also true because usually the powers involved had an artistic vision of how to make the movie with their heart, and not just whip something together for the sake of quick cash. Many of those remakes were of forgotten movies and movies that weren’t still relevant. But the most important reason why the remakes of yesteryear worked well is because they were few and far between. These are the concepts that most movie studios seem to glaze over in this age of countless redos.

Given the circumstances that I just explained, I will approach this review a little differently. I’ll offer a bit of neutrality for this section of the review, I will base the pie scores on the movie’s merits as a stand alone movie rather than a redo and then I will actually utilize my opinion in the Final Word section.

I may be in the minority here, but I had some good hopes for this movie. I wasn’t expecting a masterpiece but when I heard that Marcus Nispel was going to helm it, I figured it was worth a fair chance as I was pretty pleased with what he did with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I was also hoping that some new life could be breathed into this franchise. This is not to say that another sequel could not accomplish this. I think that Freddy vs. Jason showed us that the world still wants Jason, and there is plenty of room in between Jason goes to Hell and Jason X for new stories.

Quotes:

Pamela Voorhees: His name was Jason and today is his birthday.

Jenna: Right now, I feel safer with him than I do with you.

Chewie: I would have better luck having sex with a penguin than I would with that girl.

Trent: Your tits are stupendous!

Spook Factor: ½ Pie

There is certain darkness to this movie that sets a great mood for a slasher film. Unfortunately, a lot of that mood is set in motion without a good pay off. This is because it was too easy to predict what was going to happen. Very little jump out moments. In fact, the only one I remember being delivered properly was when the guy on the boat was killed.

Antagonist: ½ Pie

Jason is quick, calculating and menacing. It’s extremely difficult to get the drop on him. He was so efficient that we didn’t know for sure if he was supernatural until the final scene. He did have his moments where he was a bit of a calamity but Ill give him a break since he had seen very little action for the twenty-eight plus years that occurred before this story. For the peopled wowed by Jason’s speed, don’t forget how quick he was in part two. He slowed down over time. That’s what happens when you get old and have been resurrected more than a dozen times.

Story: ½ Pie

There was lots of lost potential here. Giving the main protagonists an actual purpose is cool but there was so much underdevelopment that it barely mattered. There were plot holes carelessly scattered about. There were no on screen explanations for the questions posed. They just kind of threw some concepts at us to swallow. I’m trying not to spoil anything, but surely more explanation than a familiar necklace and a slight resemblance to Pamela could have been issued.

Acting: ½ Pie

I am a big fan of the dialogue in this movie. It flowed nicely; it was funny, clever and fit the characters pretty well. Most of the acting was about as good as the third movie, which isn’t saying much, really. Jared Padalecki did a bang up job as Clay, but I was expecting that, being a regular watcher of Supernatural. Unfortunately, his higher level of acting chops made him appear out of place when interacting with the fodder at Trent’s house.

Directing: ½ Pie

I’m a little torn here because most of the shots were pretty and clever. The direction helped to build a lot of tension throughout the film. However, I blame much of the lack of scares on the directing. Surely those with enough skill to make this film pretty could have thrown us a few curve balls to catch us off guard?

Soundtrack: ½ Pie

This had an appropriate musical score that helped to carry things along from scene to scene, but there was nothing special about it to make it stand out from other movies.

Special Effects: ¾ Pie

There were no real problems with how things looked. Most of the time, you didn’t even notice the special effects because of how well it blended in. There also wasn’t anything astronomical about the effects either. Take it for what it’s worth.

Gore: ½ Pie

There was some definite blood and on screen carnage as one would expect from a Friday the 13th film, but for some reason you couldn’t help but feel as if maybe they held back a bit on giving us the gore candy. In most cases less is more, but this is the Second Coming of Jason Voorhees. We want candy, damn it!

Replay, Rewatch, Rewind: ¾ Pie

I could easily see myself going back to the theater for this with one of my friends who have yet to see it. I could also bring a date to this movie, though I couldn’t guarantee that I’d be watching the movie if you know what I’m saying. I look forward to owning this on DVD and expect to get some good mileage out of it.

Pros

A good source of entertainment if you know what you’re getting into with “stupendous” eye candy and a new life for our beloved Jason.

Cons

A lack of originality, a lack of story development and basically most of the same pitfalls that befell the original series.

Final Word

As you could probably tell from the pie score above, there really wasn’t anything about this movie that improved on the originals. Despite better technology, a bigger budget (more than the first four combined) and more than twenty years, it failed to outdo the films that inspired it. So essentially, it was a waste.

I actually had a bit of fun watching this with two of my best friends who are also big Jason fans. You are going to hear a lot of mixed opinions on this so I really suggest that you just check this out for yourself. But know that if you are expecting something to surpass the original series, then you will be disappointed. If you go in to watch a fun movie that features a character based on the legend of Jason then you may just have a blast too.

You just dug your own grave.