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5 Pies

Reviewed by Limey

Plot Summary

A recently widowed detective investigates a series of crimes that have their roots in the biblical account of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Review

There is something exciting about an impulse buy – you never quite know what you are going to get. You sure hope that the film will turn out to be a new favourite but it is just as, if not more likely that it will be a huge disappointment. This particular movie is neither of those extremes, instead falling somewhere in between.

Still, it was bordering on disappointment by the end because it had such an awesome concept to work with. I love the idea of a team of killers working together under the guise of the four horsemen and at first it looked set to run with it. Alas, not too far into proceedings, it began to play it safe.

In fact, at times it felt like it started life as a big screen adaptation of the Big Bumper Book of Cliché’s and was originally called Déjà Vu – The Movie. Unless this is your first horror thriller, I guarantee you will have seen most of the scenes and met all of the characters before. The end result is a thoroughly predictable movie.

Still, while it may be something of a let down in light of the tantalising concept and a few strong scenes, it is harmless fun and an inoffensive way to spend ninety minutes of your life – just be sure to switch your brain off before you start watching.

Quotes:

Father Whiteleather: You should expect things to get much worse.

Detective Aidan J. Breslin: I love you, Sean.
Sean Breslin: I love you too, Daddy.

Spook Factor: ½ Pie

A second category in a row that part of me says I should be rating lower, because very little is spooky about this movie. But the scene with the two brothers did reach me, plus aspects of earlier crimes could get under your skin.

Antagonist: ½ Pie

Now this one should be higher but was let down by the script. I loved them when their identities were still a mystery, but from the moment we meet one of them they quickly become your standard, paper thin villains, only one of whom I had any interest in following – and he lasts all of ten minutes.

Story: ½ Pie

It has a strong base idea and remains entertaining, but it almost immediately proceeds to wander into the land of cliché, dropping all of its most interesting ideas and either forgetting or just not bothering to explain various plot points.

Acting: ½ Pie

I do think that there were some strong performances here, but no one was challenging themselves and some were as uninspired as the story.

Directing: ½ Pie

Much like the acting and the script, it is nothing you haven't seen before. There were a few little touches here and there I liked, but for the most part it is fairly generic.

Soundtrack: ½ Pie

Again, it is nothing revolutionary. It does the job required of it and you will not have a problem with it while watching the film. That is assuming, of course, that you actually notice it. You certainly won't remember it afterwards.

Special Effects: ½ Pie

Everything you have come to expect of the genre at this stage in the game. Everything it does looks convincing, but the nature of the crimes doesn't require anything unique or with much detail.

Gore: ½ Pie

You really do not see all that much, but what you do see is pulled off well enough and the insides of the first victim in a little doggy bag is fairly disturbing. I would not want to swap places with any of these people, as there is no doubt that the pain is immense, but you mostly see after-the-fact corpses rather than gore.

Replay, Rewatch, Rewind: ½ Pie

Definitely, one day, and probably sooner than I think – if I am ever looking to kill some time, this is the kind of harmless, meaningless film that could easily fill it. However, it won't be because I want to see any aspect of it in particular again.

Pros

It may be a generic experience, but it is still fun and inoffensive.

Cons

It may be fun and inoffensive, but it is still a generic experience.

Final Word

I find it ironic how challenging it has been deciding how I actually feel about a film that does little to challenge itself. I would certainly never defend its shortcomings and the more you think about the story, the angrier you could get, but you know what? I enjoyed myself and have no regrets about buying it. What more can you ask for?

Come and see.