7 ¾ Pies

Reviewed by Yankee

Plot Summary

Randall Peltzer just wanted to give his son, Billy, a special Christmas gift. All Billy had to do was follow three simple rules… That should be easy, right?

Review

Last year, when we decide to start a tradition of Christmas updates, I was pretty keen on trying to make sure any review would be of a movie that that could be tied to a Christmas theme. Limey, as you know, jumped on some good classics that are directly tied to Christmas. I on the other hand, wanted to vary it a bit by going with a winter or toy gift direction.

I was torn between reviewing Child's Play as it took place during a Chicago winter and another movie, which actually took place during Christmas. It was a difficult choice but I only had time to do one review and the next would have to wait till today. That movie, of course, was Gremlins.

The moviegoers of today would not necessarily associate Steven Spielberg with horror films. But back in the early 80s, Spielberg was on a roll and spanned most genres with commercial success. And horror was no exception, as proven by the masterpiece Poltergeist. That one kept me awake for weeks! But I believe that with Gremlins, Spielberg's team was attempting to break into a new genre, which would be part horror, part comedy and part family film.

If those distinct elements could have truly ever worked together into a film, Gremlins would be the one to come closest in the 80s.

Quotes:

Chinese Boy: …Never feed them after midnight …

Pete Fountaine: What are you, Hindu or something?

Deputy Brent: You always get to drive.

Sheriff Frank: That's cause I'm the sheriff, Asshole!

Spook Factor: ¼ Pie

I laughed when I read the description of this film from the Netflix sleeve: “Not recommended for your littlest monsters.” I was twelve when I first saw this and I wasn't the slightest bit scared. Still I can see some of the visuals here scaring the poop out of some toddlers. This IS one of the two movies that forced the MPAA to create a PG-13 rating, so I guess there is something to be said for that…

Antagonist: ¾ Pie

In the beginning, it's a little hard to determine if the real villain(s) would be the gremlins or Mrs. Deagle. But once Stripe and company get going, it's clear that these little guys are a true terror to whatever town they occupy! Stripe alone is worth this rating!

Story: 1 Pie

It took until I watched this as an adult (and reviewer) to truly appreciate the literary highlights of this movie. The story wastes little time in getting you to know everything quickly without feeling rushed. The elements that establish this as both an 80s horror (and in tribute of) are all here and by golly it touches SO nicely on being a true Christmas story as well. What's not to love?

Acting: ½ Pie

OK, so I wouldn't give an Oscar to anyone here for this effort, not to any human actors, but the cast was well chosen for what was required and who can resist the adorable Phoebe Cates as the “girl next door?” *I* can't!

Directing: 1 Pie

Props to Spielberg, Dante and the others who managed to use cinematography to rival some of the other Spielberg greats from that same decade. His imprint is heavily felt and appreciated.

Soundtrack: 1 Pie

I cannot even BEGIN to tell you how well done the soundtrack is here! When the movie is funny, the music exploits that humor. When the movie is warm, the music is heartfelt. When the movie is scary, the music pushes it over the edge! Most importantly, the music for the real stars of this film (the Gremlins) is as sinister and identifiable as the creatures are themselves.

Special Effects: 1 Pie

At a time where CGI was not even a buzzword, Chris Walas managed to make believers out of all of us! It was a Christmas miracle!

Gore: ½ Pie

This movie doesn't come off as the type of film to have any significant gore and yet it does disappoint in its delivery of the goods. Especially when killing off those yucky, little...

Replay, Rewatch, Rewind: ¾ Pie

This was almost hard to score because while a great movie to boot, I couldn't do a marathon by any means. Still, it almost seems like a shame to celebrate any Christmas season without seeing this movie at least once. It only gets old if you over do it.

Pros

An elegant attempt at a cross genre that is fully authentic and highly entertaining and hits all the typical markers for the types of film it sets out to meld.

Cons

Do you want to watch a horror movie or a Christmas film? If you're a connoisseur of either but not both, then you may write this one off fairly quick, which would be a shame.

Final Word

It's just a shame. You have to lose some of one element in order to make room for another when combining genres. Gremlins tried to include all of everything and it just didn't quite make the grade. But it did stand out on its own. This is why I tend to just watch it as a movie that is entertaining and leaves you satisfied at the end. It doesn't matter if it's horror, comedy, Christmas or family. It's JUST Gremlins!

Perhaps someday, you may be ready.